The Kind of Snake You Don't Want to Receive in a Text from your Husband

I owe y'all a long explanation/story about the weekend I spent dangling forty-feet in the air while wearing a helmet and harness that made me look like a tool, but work is a bit crazy  - so let me tie you over with a little story.

The story begins with a girl who had to awaken three times in one week prior to 5:00 a.m. in order to take a stress-filled trips for work.  This particular day, the girl was heading to and from Houston for a few hours and had to entertain out-of-town guests for the weekend beginning that same evening.  Guests that would surely arrive at her house while she was still sweating like a pig in an un-air-conditioned warehouse.  Because of her travels, she had to rely upon her husband, and her cleaning lady, to get the joint in shape.  Cleaning lady was assigned to the inside.  Husband was assigned to the outside.

Imagine her surprise when she received a text from her husband entitled "Look What Jack Found" attaching the following picture (by the way, can we please give my damn dog a break? That poor thing has had the equivalent of 1800 nervous breakdowns in the past few weeks, including a recent piddle-inducing encounter with a nail gun):

I know it's hard to see because of the shading over the garden, but trust me - THERE IS A HUGE ASS SNAKE THERE.

Unfortunately, the snake had become entrapped in our netting (netting meant to keep the squirrels away but nonetheless has captured (1) a household pet, (2) a freaky caterpillar the size of my fist and now (3) a snake.  It has yet to show us, however, that it is effective at keeping the damn squirrels away!).

The snake was hopelessly trapped - that fact, coupled with a not-so-reliable diagnosis from my father-in-law that "it didn't sound poisonous" (really? sound? You don't want to know, I don't know, what it looks like?) made it obvious that the little guy had to be put out of his misery.

Don't get me wrong - I don't like snakes - AT ALL - I just don't like killing anything.  Especially when we are essentially living in his habitat.

Oh - totally unrelated, remind me to post a picture of my new snakeskin bag. 

Just kidding.

Hissssssssss.