The Remaining 17 Random Things About Me

9. I have a short attention span when it comes to most things...in case you couldn't tell by the way I broke this list into two parts.

10. I'm also a horrible procrastinator, but I've been working on this issue as a resolution for 2009 and I'm happy to say that I'm making progress.

11. When I apply deodorant in the morning I have to count the number of strokes on each side to make sure they match.

12. I'm incredibly anal when it comes to the tidiness and cleanliness of my home. That being said, sometimes I'll let the house get pretty gross (at least by my standards) so that when I finally clean, it's especially satisfying.

13. I went to Catholic grammar school and college, but not high school. My best friend Donna, who grew up one house away from me, begged my father one night to let me go to public school with her starting in seventh grade (we had junior high). He agreed only after he went and met the principal, and made me promise that I would take Latin as my required language.

14. Much to my father's dismay I ended up majoring in Classics in college which covered Latin, Attic Greek and the various aspects of ancient civilization. When I called to tell him I was changing my major from political science, he said, "Oh good - two dead languages."

15. I was an Irish Step dancer from the time I was four years old until I begged my mom to let me quit when I was about 13. I hid it from all of my friends, but I actually excelled at it and won quite a few medals. Of course a few years after I quit, "Riverdance" became popular. I totally missed the window on that.

16. I cry easily. In fact, I have always had a hard time singing along to lyrics without crying. The only time this wasn't a problem was while I was taking an anti-depressant after my dad died and I had a miscarriage. (My doctor called this "situational depression." I called it the worst month of my life). Once I get insurance again, I might investigate the medication so that I can sing at the top of my lungs again.

17. I am a really, really good cook, but a horrible baker.

18. That being said, I worked for a baker/caterer for four years during high school.

19. I actually met one of my high school boyfriends while working there. His father set us up after I destroyed three cakes in a row in front of him - the first one he ordered for his wife's birthday, and the other two were the subsequent replacements.

20. I don't do well with swinging doors. (See No. 19.).

21. I met my husband while I was working for a law firm and he was an IT consultant. I broke my computer numerous times in order to get him to come to my office. I think he figured it out at one point when he asked why there was a dirty footprint on it. (Because I had kicked it of course!).

22. My husband and I danced to a rather fast song as our first dance at our wedding reception. Since we had agreed to only videotape the church portion of wedding (didn't want drunk morons talking to the camera), to this day, we don't know if we looked like total asses.

23. I'm a huge sports fan, and more specifically, I am a die hard NY Giants fan. I've been this way since I moved to NJ at the tender age of four.

24. I grew up in a family of four but have since lost both my brother and my father. So it's just my mom and me. (In my immediate family of course. My husband and my wonderful in-laws are my family now as well). I hate mentioning this because I don't want people to think that it defines who I am, but to a certain extent, it does.

25. I often play Freecell but I'm obsessed with the statistics. I hate to have "lost" games in my statistics. So I figured out a way to abandon games that I will lose by hitting ctrl-alt-del and then saying "no" to resigning the game.

And one bonus item!!!!

26. I'm happiest when I am near the ocean. I spent most summers at the ocean when I was growing up and my fondest memories involve coming home from a day at beach and showering my sun-drenched skin in an outdoor shower before sitting down to eat a fresh seafood dinner.

8 out of 25 Things About Me (That May or May Not Interest You)

I've never attempted to compose one of these lists, but I always enjoy reading other people's - but I'm going to take a stab at it. I'm not very good at making short lists, so my entries are kind of long and probably worthy of 4-5 single entries. Thus, I'll divide my list so I don't bore you to death. Okay, here we go:

1. I was adopted by my mom and dad when I was 8 months old. Also, my parents picked me up to take me home on Father's Day. My dad recorded the whole thing on his old movie camera and then when they got home, he realized the cap had been on the whole time. So he made everyone go back to the adoption agency and do it again. Whenever we watched my "homecoming," we all snickered because it was a do-over.

2. I was on "Romper Room" for two weeks when I was four years old. I was TERRIFIED of Mr. Do-Bee. (For those of you who didn't see the show because you were, oh, not conceived yet - Mr. Do-Bee was a man-sized bumblebee [a Manbug - WEIRD!] that talked about behavior. He always started his sentence with "Do Bee," as in Do Bee good boys and girls for your parents!" There was also a "Mr. Don't Bee" to show children exactly what they should not do. I was President of the Don't Bee club. Just kidding).

3. I cheated while on "Romper Room" but it was a live show and I don't think anyone noticed. We had blind-folds on and we had to feel an animal and guess what it was. I could see out of my mask and I guessed it was a guinea pig. Miss Maryann immediately asked me how I could tell, and I lied on the spot and said it was because of the missing tail.

4. I can still lie pretty well.

5. I also modeled as a child - from the time I was about 5 years old until about 12 years old. My mom has my "portfolio" still and it consists of Sears and Kmart pictures.

6. My childhood careers have not bearing on my current life since I cannot act, nor am I 5'11" and 98 pounds.

7. I have a middle name that I used for part of my life after I discovered it on my birth certificate. My parents didn't give me a middle name, so I assumed this was a "clue" to my biological parents (who were undoubtedly millionaire celebrities). Turns out, it might have just been a typo by a clerk in the vital statistics office.

8. When I was about 10 years old I had to make an official ID for the local police. A man wearing nothing but a trench coat and war-paint had walked into our backyard and lunged at a nearby window and asked me to help save him. Rather than explain to my parents what was up, I ran around the house locking all the doors and windows. They caught the guy a few blocks away and brought him by the house so I could confirm his identity. I'll never forget my dad asking the police whether they had a lot of naked men in trench coats running around the neighborhood in war paint such that he had to traumatize me in this fashion. Turns out the guy had exposed himself to some women in the park behind our house and he ran into our yard to get away from the men that were chasing him with torches and pitchforks.

HDTV Can Bring You Closer, and Push You Farther Away

I've tweeted about this a bit already, but on Sunday, Manbug came home with a brand new flat-screen LCD 46" HDTV. What? You've had a flat screen HDTV since 1979? Yes, we are a bit hesitant when it comes to large purchases in this house. Manbug must research and haggle and shop and research and compare for months! Then, we finally purchase the coveted item and the the technology is mooted a day later by an upgraded model.

But I digress.

As a direct result of this purchase, we've been watching TV together a bit more. We don't really agree on much when it comes to the TV (in fact I was SHOCKED a few weeks ago when he joined me to watch a "Real Housewives of Atlanta" marathon but in retrospect, I think he was just procrastinating a work report) - he usually watch a movie he's seen at least 700 times before, whereas I prefer "Law & Order" and its various progeny, as well as copious amounts of HGTV. But, we've parked ourselves on the couch night after night (or at least since Sunday) to scope out the new details now present on our screen. Many astute observations have been made recently:

Observation #1 (while watching "Point Break" - yes, he owns it):

Manbug: Gary Busey wasn't nearly as creepy when he was young. Oh wait, this movie probably wasn't filmed in HDTV.

Me: Yea, so he probably was creepy back then too but no one knew it.

Observations #2 and 3 (while watching "Paranormal State" - my choice):

Me: HDTV leads me to think that Ryan (head of the PRS) is not as cute as I once thought.

Manbug: It really should not have taken a $1600 TV for you to come to that conclusion.

****

Manbug: Do you think we'll be able to see a ghost now?

Observations #4, 5 and 6 (while watching "The Biggest Loser" - my choice):

Me: What was that glaze made out of? I missed it.

Manbug: I'm not sure what he said it was made from, but it looks like he used horse manure and dead insects.

***

Me: People cry a LOT on this show and now I can see their snot.

***

Me: Why are Bob's pants always shiny on the right thigh?

Clearly if you are ever invited to a dinner party at our house, you should peruse the papers beforehand for current events so that you can take part in our highly intelligent dialogue. In other news, I'm Goggled "loss of intelligence" and "HDTV" and came up with this:

http://www.sfinco.net/st/brain.htm

In other news, Manbug is headed out of town (well really, only to San Antonio but the meeting is early so he's spending the night there) tonight for a quick business meeting and my plans involve sushi, a pedicure, plenty of crappy TV and tomorrow morning - hair appointment to get rid of the rapidly multiplying gray hairs on my head! (Yes, all of these things could be done while he was home, what's your point?)

Things That Made Me Laugh This Week

Mostly, at the expense of others, but what can I say - I'm not perfect.

1. This conversation with Manbug:

MB: I'm a little pissed at Derrick.

Me: Why?

MB: He shat on our wall. I mean, I don't mind him living in the plant, but that's kind of rude, don't you think?

2. These pictures (because really, I still harbor immense hatred over the whole Brangelina affair. I guess I was definitely "Team Jennifer.")

I guess even celebrities forget to check their zippers.

Really, what the hell is up with your hair? What is "Sideways Day?"

3. TV producers really don't know when to stop. It's bad enough to have Hillary Duff playing a Doogie Howser like attorney, but her sister as well? Give it a rest. That show will last about 3 episodes.

4. The fact that people are actually interested in this hat.

5. Why is Texas so obsessed with its shape?

Do you think you would EVER see a Rhode Island shaped dog tag? (Thank you to Murphy for being such a fuzzy model).

If you suppress grief too much it can well redouble.**

I had the weirdest experience yesterday. I'm upset not only at the emotions that were experienced, but also at the unpredictability of their arrival and my complete inability to control them.

I was walking into Target and I spotted a red-vested old man heading to the parking lot. I assume that he had just finished a shift at my beloved store, but I imagined that this job was taken merely to keep his mind occupied, not because of a retirement fund that hit rock bottom. He was heading home to have tea with his wife of fifty years. (Yes, I have a vivid imagination).

He was cute - kind of like Owen Jenkins from Steel Magnolias. A man who's very disposition makes you want to walk up and hug him and pat him on the head. (Or maybe that's just me. I've definitely always had at thing for old men. Once, when I was a little girl, I invited a random old man to have lunch with my mom and me because he was eating by himself at a diner and I thought that was totally unacceptable).

First, I thought to myself, "Gosh, he's cute" - and then "Gee, he reminds me of my dad a little" (but my dad looked nothing like Owen Jenkins) - and then, I experienced a complete meltdown before I had even made it through the automatic doors. I had to veer to my left and head right back out of the store.

Of course I miss my dad. That goes without saying, doesn't it? We were extremely close and I took his death very hard. But I'm starting to think that perhaps I never mourned him properly because I was so busy taking care of everyone else. I have a bit of a track-record when it comes to denial, so this wouldn't be terribly surprising to me. In fact, I often get frustrated when people, such as my mother, wear their feelings so openly that everyone in a five-mile radius knows that they are greiving and why.

Although I believe that I understand grief to a certain extent, what I can't handle is the complete unpredictability of it all. Waves of sadness that cause me to abort a perfectly innocent shopping trip so I can lock myself in my car and cry. I thought I was dealing with everything, but maybe I'm just suppressing it and now it's coming back even stronger? It's like I'm playing a slow-motion game of Whack-A-Mole with my feelings and that damn grief mole just keeps popping up even though I bash him in the head with a mallet. Maybe it's just time that I pull a Caddyshack on that damn mole and blow up the whole golf course.

**Moliere

We Will Extend A Hand if You Are Willing to Unclench Your Fist

I'm overwhelmed by today. I saw hope in thousands of eyes as they gazed upon Barack Obama while he took an oath to uphold the very Constitution that once discriminated against him. I saw an average man, who is so human that he stumbled across the words that would allow him to ascend to this country's highest office, represent the best in all Americans. And most importantly, I saw unity among faces of many colors, and minds of many beliefs.

I'm excited and proud to be an American today.

And there is unity among Americans, both Republican and Democratic, for the most part. People have set aside their political beliefs and affiliations in order to support our 44th president as he embarks into a most difficult office.

So I was dismayed to learn that one person, an associate justice of the United State Supreme Court no less, decided to make a statement by not attending the inauguration ceremony today. He was also not in attendance when President Obama (that sounds so nice!) visited the Supreme Court recently. How sad, that when millions of people are uniting for the greater good, a man holding what should be one of the most unbiased positions in the United States, decides to make a political statement.

I'm strongly opinionated when it comes to impartiality among the judicial system (and my distaste for the election of such officials is a post for another time and place) - so perhaps that is why I'm so dismayed by this story in the midst of what should be a happy moment. I'm thrilled, however, that news stations such as CNN have chosen not to focus on this issue and give Justice Alito more credit than he is due. And in the spirit of my New Year's resolution to focus on the positive aspects of my life, let me say this - we are entering what is surely going to be a trying time for America, and I'm honored to be standing among people who can see past their individual opinions in support of a greater good for all.

Congratulations President Obama and Vice-President Biden!

P.S. And just because I can't possibly lose all of my snarkiness in 2009, Aretha Franklin's stylist should be drawn and quartered. I haven't seen a bow that big since the bridesmaid fashions of the 70s and 80s.

Age Is a Very High Price to Pay For Maturity

So, Friday didn't end up all cozy and relaxing as the pictures below suggested. They started that way, but then I was roped into heading downtown to Sixth Street at 11:00 p.m. In the six months that Manbug and I have lived here, we've never been. And even though 11:00 p.m. is the time we are usually heading to bed - we soldiered up and headed downtown to obtain a blaring reminder of just how old we are. I knew the night was doomed when I was tired just from walking from our prime downtown parking spot to the first bar.

We ended up at a diner to eat an early breakfast and were home and in bed by 4:45 a.m. Which, as you can guess, RUINED ME FOR THE REST OF THE WEEKEND BECAUSE I AM 40 YEARS OLD. Ahem. I literally slept until 12:30 p.m. on Saturday and was in my PJ's and in bed at 10:00 that night.

It was fun to get out and act like we were in college, but truth be told, we're not.

The rest of the weekend was pretty non-eventful. We ventured to the doomed Circuit City on Saturday (as did the rest of the Austin-area) to buy the large flat-screen TV we have both been lusting after, but as it turned out, going out of business doesn't cause one to drop prices THAT much. Annoyed with the fact that we weren't leaving with a large purchase, I experimented on a massage chair for 45 minutes.

Yesterday was spent cleaning, cleaning, cleaning. OH - and I finally took my winter shoes and purses out of storage and put them in my closet. Next step, sweaters! I should have all my winter clothes out and assembled by the time spring rolls around.

In other news, I'm not doing well on the "don't procrastinate" portion of my new year's resolutions.

Farewell to an Ugly Week

I've got the makings to say farewell to a crappy week: Fire, check. Copious amounts of candle, check. Two sleep dogs (they blend - you likely can't see them but feel free to play "Where's Waldo"), check. A slightly chilled chardonnay, check. Ugly vertical blinds that came with the apartment, yea - can't really do anything about them.

Happy Friday.

When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges.**

I've had a bad week. A really bad week. And as a result, I've been a bad blogger because I didn't feel like spreading the bitterness I was feeling.

Monday - Huge fight with Manbug. (Yes, we are speaking to each other again).

Tuesday - I slowly begin to realize that Manbug is going to be insanely busy at work for the foreseeable future, and our times of relaxing on the couch to make fun of "Real Housewives from Atlanta" or drinking coffee in bed until 11:00 a.m. on Saturdays won't be happening again soon. We are two ships passing in the night (except my ship is permanently docked in my f-ing home office and the captain wears her PJs until about noon everyday).

Wednesday - Older dog was acting very sick, very weak and I was convinced she was dying. I spent the whole day in tears debating whether I should make the ultimate sacrifice and put her to sleep. (Turns out she's feeling much better now and as Manbug said to me when I suggested that it might be time to visit the vet, "Jesus - give her time. What if she's just having a bad day!!!").

Thursday - Second interview for a job that I'm not sure I want anymore (as a result of some of the comments made to me during said "interview." Things like, "So tell me about yourself - other than the fact you are married because Jesus, it's not like I could miss that ring" and "We may have spoken on the phone before because I remembered that I spoke with a girl lawyer from your old firm and maybe that was you?"). Sigh.

Friday - nothing yet...but I'm not hopeful.

So in an effort to improve every one's moods - I'm going to share something that I found last night that truly brought a smile to my face (you have to watch it with the sound on - it makes something that might be inappropriate just cute):





**Jack Handey.

On Monday mornings I am dedicated to the proposition that all men are created jerks.**

Well, I had hoped to take advantage of National Delurking Day to entice the untold millions of readers of my little blog to come out and say something, but it's late, I've had a horrible day and my husband and I had a huge fight and we are both still smarting from the other's remarks. (Of course, he doesn't know about my last remark which is cleverly hidden in my post title). So, I'm dialing it in today. I'm just sad and feeling icky with a huge case of the Mondays.

As long as you don't harbor a standard by which the requirement to leave a comment is in direct proportion to the effort taken to write an insightful post, then please feel free to delurk and tell me why men are able to go from an "mad as hell" attitude one minute to "everything is fine" the next, whereas women (or at least me) harbor grudges for the better part of a month. I'll also accept advice on how to just let my grudges go with the assistance of a glass of wine.

**H. Allen Smith

I can't take a well-tanned person seriously.*

Top Ten Things I learned from the video below:

1. Never, ever take a drink of coffee before clicking on a You Tube link sent to you by a friend.

2. Apparently, you can actually get "too tan."

3. Men should never wax their eyebrows anywhere but on top of the nose to avoid a uni brow.

4. "What is Love" is apparently the go-to soundtrack when it comes to cheesy photo compilations of people. Or photo compilations of cheesy people.

5. If we ever are in a nuclear showdown, we might want to offer up Long Island as a place to bomb in exchange for leaving the rest of the United States unharmed.

6. The same could probably be said for certain areas of New Jersey (since it's not entirely clear where these people came from), but since I'm from NJ, I'm going to preserve it since it does have pockets of preppies (such as the town I grew up in) to counteract the other elements.

7. Pursing your lips prior to a photograph being snapped is likely the result of brain atrophy brought on by too much sun exposure.

8. There is also such a thing as too much hair products. Note to self: buy stock in company that manufactures Dippity Do, because apparently it's still alive and flourishing.

9. Perhaps mandatory sterilization isn't such a bad idea.

10. All male headbands should be burned and buried. As should the men wearing them.

And now, for your viewing pleasure (swallow what you are eating and/or drinking):




*Well put by Cleveland Amory.

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

In the past year, I realized just how much money I was wasting on books - I'm a really, really quick reader and I would spent a lot of money at once, usually for a stack of hardcovers, read them each in a day - or two at the most - then stick them on a shelf to collect dust.

When Manbug (remember the reference? Have you seen the commerical yet?) and I made the move to Austin, we lugged THOUSANDS of books to Half-Price Books (a Texas mecca if I do say so myself) and I think we received $5.43 for our effort (not really, it was over $100 but that doesn't make the story interesting).

This new-found self-realization coupled perfectly with my new-found fiscal responsibility and I placed a very important item on my "to do" list in July - get an Austin library card. And on January 3, 2009, I did just that (actually, six months isn't such a bad average for me to cross something off my "to do" list).

Austin is nothing, if not a responsible city - so I was limited to only two books on my first check-out. Perhaps they have had people get a new card, check-out 100 books and disappear. Who knows. Seems like a lot of effort to me when there's a Half-Price Books about 1/2 mile away that's likely selling the same book for a dollar.

Anyway, I had entered the library with the list of books that I wanted to read - 31 candidates in all. I found one of the prospective reads, written by one of my favorite authors - well, she's a favorite in the sense that I read one of her books and loved it. But when a book moves me to tears - I place that author in a special place in my heart.

So imagine my surprise, when, after all of this effort, I opened "The Almost Moon" to read this:

And there it was, the hole that had given birth to me. The cleft that had
compelled the mystery of my father's love for forty years.

This was not the first time I'd been face-to-face with my mother's
genitalia....

Good grief Alice - a little warning would have BEEN NICE. Although, I suppose the previous 43 pages of contemplative dialogue over the complicated relationship you shared with your mother prior to murdering her should have been my warning. Perhaps I'm naive.

I don't think I can finish this book. Has anyone read it and loved it? If so, please come to it's defense since I allocated 1/2 of my very first library privileges to these words!

Hello 2009!!! (Three days late)

It's kind of a running theme with me - I'm always about five steps behind the 8 ball.

So I'm not going to do a retrospective post regarding 2008 - because it's already been 2009 for three days. (And I've determined that my answers to those questions aren't all that interesting).

And I'm not going to update you on my holidays - because really, they were just mediocre (including a second wedding anniversary that consisted of 13 hour work day ending at 10: 30 p.m. and an anniversary dinner catered by Pizza hut).

Nor will I provide you with my list of resolutions for the new year (but I WILL say that I have created an EXHAUSTIVE list of resolutions/goals that I want to achieve for 2009). You will be happy to know, however, that #1 on my list is to stop procrastinating. And believe me, the irony of the inclusion of that goal on a list authored on January 4th was not lost on me.

(Although I did knock off two "things to do" this weekend, including getting a library card and putting my dogs' new tags on their collars. Baby steps...).

Things are okay on this end - I'm tired...I'm confused about a lot of things, the most relevant issue being the weather (yesterday it was over 80 degrees and we grilled hamburgers outside last night...today, it's in the 40s and feels like winter again). I'm ready for 2009 to be a good year - the last few years have been pretty bad for us, 2007 being the WORST year of my life...and I think 2009 will be much, much better. (I even made black-eyed peas and collard greens on January 1st to lock in the deal).

**Note to self - add "limit the use of parenthetical phrases" to your resolution list (unless they are truly needed in that particular writing situation).

I hope that everyone had a wonderful holiday season - the holidays are a fun time, but I'm anxious to return to normal. Staring tomorrow. (That's not "procrastination by the way, that's just a fact). (Also, that parenthetical was totally needed).